Oh. Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
F. U. C. K.
That’s exactly what should be displayed in the window of that plastic contraption shaking in my hand instead of that obnoxious plus sign. The bright blue horizontal and vertical line against a stark white background. Taunting me as I stood there hoping it was some cruel optical illusion.
But it wasn’t.
Oh my God, I was going to be sick.
My head spun as I sunk to my ass on the cold tile floor. The stick that ten minutes ago had been so innocent and harmless was still in my hand as I struggled not to hyperventilate. This couldn’t be happening.
I was pregnant.
As waves of nausea rolled through my body—something I’d been experiencing a lot lately—my brain tried to reconcile my new reality. My life as I knew it was well and truly over.
I am going to be someone’s mother.
My hand had barely managed to lift the lid of the toilet as I lost my battle with my stomach. The full body heave expelled not only my breakfast but also my soul into the bowl as the evil EPT wand fell out of my hand and onto the floor. My future—as well as my blueberry bagel—now in the toilet.
I had done a lot of stupid stuff in my time. I’ll be the first to admit that, but Joey Shaw was by far the dumbest.
Unlike most of the girls he seemed to entertain, I’d known Joey for years. Our bands had crossed paths from time to time on the bar circuit, even sharing the stage once or twice. The appreciation we had for each other was mutual, both professionally and otherwise. He was good looking, sexy and had a body built for sin. It was only a matter of time before we ended up doing the in-between-the-sheets tango; I was impressed at how long I’d resisted.
Driven by hormones instead of brains, our little game of flirting came to a very lustful, sexy conclusion last month. That mouth of his wasn’t only talking up a good show, with every single egotistical boast coming out of it not even close to the mind-blowing orgasm he’d given me. His body absolutely delivered on the promise of crazy and unrestrained sex. It had been a night that wasn’t going to be easy to forget. Now it seemed, he had gifted me a permanent reminder.
Fuck.
I was so screwed.
We had barely even spoken since our hook-up, happy for it to be a casual thing between friends. It’s not like I was looking to date him. Ha. Not in this lifetime. I wasn’t that delusional. The man was hot. Not denying that, but I’d had longer relationships with a pizza than Joey had with women. So, I was happy to collect on the toe-curling sex without the side order of is-he-ever-going-to-call-me-again. God damn it. How could I have been so freaking stupid?
Ugh. My stomach churned again as my brain rationalized spending most of the day locked in my bathroom. It seemed like a solid idea, one that would see me postpone the what-the-hell-did-I-do-now that was begging to be dealt with. Ha! As if.
This year had started out with so much promise. The band was doing great. While no record deals had come our way, our song had gotten thousands of hits on YouTube. And there wasn’t a Saturday night where we didn’t play. Not just dive bars but actually great gigs. We were even making decent money too. Life was pretty awesome. Was. Past tense. Now, of course, I was a few months away from hawking my six-string at PawnRUs and getting a day job at Denny’s.
Poor Joey.
The sexy six-foot, dark-haired drummer had no idea that our baby was going to be the first and last child he would father, his balls soon to be hanging from my rearview mirror. I’d be sure to inform him and offer my condolences when I ripped them from his still-breathing body. His dick also at risk of ending up a hood ornament. It was only fair seeing as my body would be waving its red flag of rebellion in the coming months that his should suffer too. Might as well wear my skinny jeans while they still fit me, lord knows I was going to be rocking elastic waistbands and stretchy pants in the very near future. My wardrobe, the least of my worries.
Huh. I was going to have a baby. My hand unconsciously brushed against my flat-for-now belly, the life its dumbass parents created growing inside of me despite my lack of a clue. A missed period and some wicked fatigue the only hint that something was amiss. And in an instant, it had all changed. Knocked up, sitting on my bathroom floor with my head down a toilet, and I had absolutely no idea of how I was going to be someone’s mom.
Inside of me there was a tiny life. A little helpless human who needed my love and protection, who hadn’t asked to be born but had been put there nonetheless. Trusting that I would keep him or her safe until he or she was ready to enter into the world. My baby. Mine.
Great. Now my eyes were leaking. The fucking body rebellion I had expected months from now had already started as tears streamed uncontrollably.
What the hell was happening to me? I wasn’t one of those emotional girls who wept when they lost their favorite purse. I played in a rock band for God’s sake; I didn’t do crying. It was Joey’s fault. Yes. Let’s blame that asshole and his potent freaking sperm. He was the reason I had apparently lost my mind and would soon have a full uterus. And now I was back to being mad again.
Awesome.
This was so going to be fun.
